Wednesday, May 02, 2007

The Breakfast Rant...

I have just returned from a work-related 'jaunt' to Scotland where I was hosting wine tastings in Perth and Glasgow. I travel a fair bit with work and am fairly well-versed in the grottiest hotels in the UK. In fact, I feel another blog coming on...
When staying away from home on a regular basis for business you reach a stage where you develop a mental checklist of requirements for your hotel room/facilities. Sadly most of the hotels that fall within the work budget do not meet my exacting standards (!). Actually, I think my needs are fairly simple - a spotless room, a bath as well as a shower, an iron, tea-making facilites and somewhere to put my suitcase.
Clearly I have a few items on the checklist relating to breakfast. Again, I am a simple soul. I do not need the 'full works' (I am round enough as it is, I can assure you. Never trust a skinny cook!). Just some toast, fruit and perhaps a yoghurt. Surely you can't go wrong here? Unfortunately, dear reader, you can. Jam. It all boils down to jam. Why oh why oh why do certain establishments insist on those horrendous plastic individual portions of jam/marmalade? So awful. I judge a place almost entirely on the jam containers. A small individual glass jar - perfect. A horrible plastic excuse for a pot - urgh.
The next problem is Marmite. Or rather, the lack of it. I would hazard that a high proportion of the British population enjoy a slice of toast with Marmite for breakfast. So why do no hotels serve Marmite amongst their plastic containers of jam/honey/marmalade? What about those of us who prefer a savoury spread in the morning? I am even prepared to eat it out of one of the aforementioned plastic containers (do you know the ones I mean? They have nasty plastic film that you peel back to reveal the lurid shimmering artificial jam that has never been acquainted with a raspberry).
Why the picture at the top of this post? This is the breakfast menu from my otherwise charming Perth hotel. My question is this. What on earth would happen if I wanted - god forbid - to have sausage and scrambled egg for breakfast? Would all hell break loose in the kitchen?

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